


Six Years

by foulzombie



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Break Up, Drabble, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, One Shot, Phanfiction, dan howell the ultimate philboy, random crap that i wrote to try and get over writer's block, short and gross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-29 01:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3877921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foulzombie/pseuds/foulzombie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan looked down at their hands, noting that even after everything, it still felt right. Soulmates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Years

Six years ago, if you asked him if he knew AmazingPhil, he would have stuttered and turned red, mumbled a quick "no" and immediately left the vicinity. That's what Youtube was to him at the time; a dirty secret, something he did to pass the time. Phil was a guy on his computer screen that he was infatuated with, borderline obsessed, and how would he explain that? His friends were your typical prats who wore Hollister and thought that getting an older sibling to buy them the cheap wine was classy, only to drink it from mason jars. Dan never did fit in with them, but they were his girlfriend's friends, and they lived closer to him than guys from school. 

Five years ago, if you asked him if he knew AmazingPhil, he'd giggle, _giggle_ , because of course he knew Phil, they were best friends. Soulmates. They didn't live together, they didn't even live in the same city, but they always said "I love you" at the end of every phone and skype call. The internet didn't know and their friends didn't know, but Dan liked it because it was a new and exciting thing, a secret that was no longer dirty. Phil was his, and he was Phil's, and no one else needed to know.

Four years ago, if you asked him if he knew AmazingPhil, he would have smirked, because it should be obvious. Dan spent most of his time at Phil's apartment, where they'd film videos and take turns beating their favourite video games. Dan would cook them food and Phil would clean up before walking Dan back to his dorm. Sometimes Dan wouldn't even leave, and they'd stay up late watching DVD's on Phil's macbook before getting distracted by impromptu make out sessions. Then Dan would remember that he had a class, and he'd run around getting dressed and Phil would drag him to the lift and they'd hold hands until they reached the ground floor and have a quick kiss goodbye before the doors opened.

Three years ago, if you asked him if he knew AmazingPhil, he'd say "Yeah, he's my friend," and leave it at that, because the shippers were out of control. _Phan_. It was a thing. There was fanfiction and fanart and people who thought they knew the truth. What they shipped was danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil, and it didn't bother them. Until some people began digging, and they'd take his old tweets and dailybooth captions out of context. There were blogs dedicated to _proof_ , for fucks sake. Dan knew, however, that what Phil and he had was real, one in a million and that they could survive anything.

Two years ago, if you asked him if he knew AmazingPhil, he'd quickly change the subject because he wasn't sure anymore. If he really knew Phil, then surely he would have foreseen the breakup? He should have noticed Phil distancing himself, he should have noticed Phil falling out of love. While Dan dreamed about marriage, buying a house and adopting kids, Phil was filming a video of why he loved Dan, but he wasn't _in love_ anymore. He said they weren't good together, that it would be easier than pretending and while he was happily going along with life like nothing was wrong, Dan was broken. There was a deep gash in his heart that bled when he looked at Phil. His lungs ached and it hurt to breathe, and when he'd hear Phil with someone through the thin walls of their flat, he'd cry into the sheets on his bed because it was too much.

One year ago, if you asked him if he knew AmazingPhil, he'd give you his signature deadpan stare, because, really? They're inseparable, verging on co-dependency at times. They were still broken up, but their friendship survived and that itself said a lot about the two. Dan still believed they were soulmates and he knew deep down Phil was aware of it too. It didn't matter if they spent the rest of their lives twined together platonically, because there was still a part of Dan that selfishly wanted Phil to himself still, even if they were only friends. They were planning a gaming channel together among merch and endless projects, which was something they never would've done if they were together because it was just too close. Maybe they were better off as friends, if furthering their careers was more important than _love_. Dan didn't say anything, and if Phil thought he was finally okay with being platonic, well, he wasn't going to show how upset he still was.

 

Today, if you asked him if he knew AmazingPhil, Dan would chew on the cuff of his sweater because his face would show too much emotion, he knew himself that much. The emptiness he felt since that day in late 2012 was filling, and maybe it won't be the same as before, as their first year together but with time it'd be good enough to where he won't be scared of history repeating itself. They were sat together on the balcony of their hotel room, holding mugs of coffee with their non-dominant hands because their other hands were clasped together between them.

"I'm sorry," said Phil, setting the empty mug onto the cold concrete. "For everything. For thinking that we were better… For breaking up and expecting us to be okay the next day. For pretending that I was okay myself."

"You hurt me," replied Dan, almost as bitter as the cold coffee that was still in his cup. His chest was heaving and his hands were shaking with the effort to hold back the sobs that were building inside him. "And I'm… I'm scared you're going to do it again. Holding hands doesn't mean shit. Sharing a bed doesn't mean shit. It doesn't block out the fear that has set up permanent residence in my mind, and it doesn't make me less paranoid that you're going to move out."

Phil sighed and tightened his grip on the fingers of Dan's left hand. "I know it won't be the same, not like before, but I'm willing to try. I will prove to you, until the end of time, just how much I love you. I will prove to you that I won't ever leave you. I will--" Phil's breath hitched, and he leaned back against the sliding glass door. "I don't expect forgiveness, Dan, but I want a second chance. Please."

Dan looked down at their hands, noting that even after everything, it still felt _right_. Soulmates. And fuck, did he want to try again. Every fibre of his being yearned for it. He wanted morning touches and kisses over coffee and cuddles during anime marathons. He wanted to tell Phil how much he loved him, every single minute of his life.

And maybe it won't be the same. It could end horribly, with them going their separate ways to separate apartments and separate lives only to reunite for the tour in the fall, upset and bitter. Or it could be forever, with a house on the edge of the city and enough yard for dogs and kids and the infamous koi pond.

Dan looked over at Phil. His hair was pushed up and away from his face, greasy and tangled. His glasses were smudged and his face was unshaven. Dan had never felt more in love. With a sigh, he crawled onto Phil, nearly knocking over both mugs in the process. "One chance." He pulled Phil closer, wrapping his arms around Phil's neck.

And then they were kissing, hesitant and tender and Dan couldn't stop the tears. The ache in his chest had been replaced with butterflies, fluttering rampant against his ribcage.

"I fucking love you," Dan mumbled against Phil's lips, foreheads pressed together and hands tangled in hair. "I want you to know that."

Phil laughed softly, wrapping his arm around Dan's waist. "I love you too."

 

Next year, if you asked him if he knew AmazingPhil, Dan would grin and hold up his left hand, because he loved showing off the ring.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos would make me a happy lad (especially since i'm still new to writing phan ha ha ha)


End file.
